The Girlfriend List
by Badwolfgoddess
Summary: Derek has a meltdown involving Casey. As a result, he is forced to see Paul twice a week to sort out his 'issues' and Paul has him write down a list of all his ex girlfriends. ON INDEFINITE HIATUS
1. Prologue

_**The Girlfriend List**_

**Thanks muchly to MagicAngel101 for the idea!**

Prologue: The Fight

Derek watched surreptitiously as his stepsister made-out with his best friend on the family couch. It was disgusting. He wanted to punch something. He settled for smacking the wall though. "Ugh," he muttered to himself. His anger at the situation boiled up even more. Without thinking things through, he headed towards the living room. He clenched his fists by his sides, feeling the anger surging through his veins.

"Why do you have to be such a fucking asshole about this?" he screamed at the couple on the couch. He jerked Sam's collar, bringing him up and socked him in the stomach. That felt good. Too good. Casey yelped his name but Derek ignored her as he continued to pummel his _ex_ best friend. He landed a punch on Sam's jaw and another in his stomach again. Sam tried to fight back but Derek's rage was too strong. Casey screamed, jumping on Derek to pull him away but Derek ignored her, continuing to take his anger out on his best friend. Derek pulled his fist away, ready to land another punch and noticed it was covered in blood. Sam's blood. He could see himself getting totally out of control but he couldn't stop himself; it was like watching a boxing match on TV—he watched himself land punch after punch on Sam's body, his friend almost too weak to fight back. They grappled though, a little and broke a few items in the struggle. Finally, Sam managed to wrench himself away and land a punch to Derek that made him stagger backwards into the wall. Casey reached out and slapped Derek across the face twice and he felt himself wake up.

"Oh my god," he whispered. It seemed so unreal, so unlike him to do this kind of thing. Sam was glaring at him and trying to hide Casey behind him. Casey looked spitting angry and like she wanted to deliver a few choice blows to her stepbrother herself. She cradled the broken and defeated looking Sam whose mouth was dripping with blood and Derek slumped against the wall.

"Let's go to the hospital," Derek said quietly. "Casey, here," he tossed her the keys to the Prince. "You drive." He didn't see her response, he merely followed behind them silently, wishing he could disappear for a while. The couple sat in the front seat; Casey's knuckles were white as she gripped the steering column. The ride was silent and Derek closed his eyes, trying to figure out what had made him go so completely nuts.

"You're in so much trouble," Casey said, looking at Derek in the rearview mirror. "You need help." Derek nodded weakly, which surprised Casey. He was the last person to admit needing any kind of help. They pulled into the parking lot and Casey shut off the car.

"You sign us in," Casey said, voice almost sounding accusatory. "I need to help Sam." Derek took his punishment silently, staggering towards the bright lights of the emergency room. His hand felt like it was on fire and his ribs hurt. He wiped his forehead, which was sticky with semi-dried blood. He didn't know whose blood it was. The nurse on duty seemed bored as he filled out the necessary paperwork. He took a seat in an uncomfortable plastic chair, waiting on Casey and Sam to come inside. They came in finally, Casey supporting a dazed looking Sam and sat down on the far side of the room from him. He couldn't blame them, it was so out of character, so unlike Derek to get so out of control like that. He wished he could figure out what had made him snap.

The chair was uncomfortable and Derek was tired of waiting his turn. They had all been there for hours but when the nurse called Derek's name finally, Casey had taken Sam in instead, glaring at Derek as if daring him to defy her decision. He hadn't, of course. He shifted in the too-small chair and tried to catch a few z's. Unfortunately, a mother and her small son had just come in and the son was crying a storm of tears. Derek sighed and watched as Casey and Sam finally came out.

"Sam Smith?" Derek stood up, aching all over. Casey glared at him and ushered Sam towards the door.

"I'm taking him home," she said. "I'll send Mom or George to get you." Derek winced.

"You can't tell them," he protested feebly, but Casey was shaking her head.

"You messed up big," she said. "There's no getting out of it this time." Derek glanced over at the nurse, who looked irritated at having to wait.

"Please?" he asked one last time. Casey shook her head again and Derek knew he was a dead man. He walked toward the nurse, hoping that she'd somehow change her mind.

After he was cleaned up, stitched up and bandaged up and warned not to get into any more fights again, he finally was allowed to leave. His ribs were bound up, having bruised one when the two boys rolled into a table in their fighting; Derek winced every time he took a deep breath. George was waiting for him in the waiting area when he came out of the ER. He looked furious.

"Why did you do it?" George demanded, as soon as he saw Derek come out. Casey had obviously filled him in. Derek shrugged. He didn't really even know himself.

"That's not a good enough answer," George said. He walked to the car, not looking at his son and Derek felt ashamed. "Sam's your best friend. You don't just randomly go ape and beat up your best friend unless there's a reason." He turned to Derek.

"He hasn't done something to hurt Casey, has he?" George searched Derek's eyes, the sudden thought worrying him. "Tell me if he has."

"No dad, he didn't do anything to hurt Casey," Derek's head was pounding now, a throbbing headache forming in his skull. "I don't know why I did it."

"Well Derek, there's obviously some sort of problem here. I think you should see a counselor."

"What?" Derek turned to look at his father in the car. "I don't…"

"No, there's no discussing the matter," George looked at the road ahead, keeping his voice level calm. "You obviously have a few issues that need sorting out."

"Fine," Derek said through clenched teeth. "But I refuse to let you pay some quack shrink. I want to see someone at school," his mind was on Paul, someone he had talked to before, someone he thought he could talk to again easily. At least he knew Paul, and felt comfortable with him.

"If you promise to talk to Paul and he recommends that you see someone outside the school, will you comply?" George asked.

"I don't know," Derek stared out the window at the passing darkness, willing his headache to go away. They pulled into the driveway and Derek got out, walking stiffly to the front steps, his dad following behind.

"You need to apologize to Casey and Sam," George said. "And you're paying for Sam's medical bill."

"Whatever," Derek muttered under his breath. "Fine Dad."

"No, not fine!" George snapped. "You don't beat up anyone again Derek. Understand?" Derek's head was pounding and he just wanted to forget about his mistake.

"Yes dad," Derek walked into the house. Nora was awake still, sitting at the dining table, waiting for her husband to come home. Derek ignored them both and walked up the stairs to his bedroom. He went in, sinking into the comfort of his mattress. The door squeaked open and he ignored whoever it was.

"Here," Casey's voice floated over the top of him and he felt something being pressed into his palm. He sat up again, wincing when the pain erupted in his head. "It's aspirin, for the pain," she said. Her voice had an edge to it. "Sam had a headache and I figured you probably did too." She pressed a paper cup of water into his hands too and he swallowed the pills, followed by the water.

"Thanks," his voice sounded groggy. "Casey…I'm sorry."

"Save it Derek," She snapped. "I was only brought this because I thought you were probably in as much pain as Sam and he wouldn't want you to be, no matter how _I_ feel about you right now."

"Casey…" Derek tried to speak again but his head was still hurting.

"No, I don't want to hear it from you tonight." Casey turned and walked out of his room and Derek collapsed back on his bed. He was unconscious after a few moments.

DerekandCaseyDerekandCaseyDerekandCasey

"So…" Paul tapped his fingers together, waiting. Derek sat on the couch in silence. "I'm assuming you came to see me for a reason?" Silence. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Derek shifted, feeling uncomfortable.

"So…" Paul repeated.

"I dunno," Derek shrugged. "I kind of beat up my best friend last night." Paul raised an eyebrow.

"Why?" Derek shrugged again.

"I dunno." Paul reached for a notepad, pulling it in front of him. He didn't want to take notes just yet though; he would have preferred to let Derek get comfortable talking to him first.

"Tell me what happened then." Derek stared at him. "Just tell me what you were doing that day right up until you started throwing punches." Derek shifted again on the couch and cleared his throat.

"Uh. Well…I guess that day I was just…I woke up around 11; it was Sunday so I wasn't in a hurry to get up anytime early. I ate some cereal and then waited forever to use the bathroom. "Casey was all hogging the bathroom all morning and then when I finally got in, it stunk of her perfume," he made a face.

Paul nodded. "Interesting. Go on."

"I got changed and played some street hockey with a few buddies. Then Sam came over later but he didn't want to hang out with me, he wanted to hang out with _Casey_," he spat. "They were all cuddly wuvvy duvvy on the couch and I wanted to watch a movie but they were already watching Casey's favorite movie, Pride and Prejudice. I just couldn't stand it anymore. Casey was totally brainwashing my best friend. He _hated _Pride and Prejudice but Casey made him watch it and he totally acts like he loves it now. It's ridiculous," Derek grumbled. "The two of them are so messed up. Plus I thought they couldn't be in a relationship or something. They kept breaking up every time they were together before. Then when Casey broke up with that dumb jock Max, the two of them decided to get back together, like they were on some stupid soap opera or something."

"Hmm…" Paul was taking notes now. He had a few suspicions about things but decided to just let Derek keep talking, for now.

"Anyway, so I just socked him in the stomach and it felt good. Really good. I just kept punching and hitting and it was weird…like I didn't even know I was doing it. I just kept hitting out and it made me feel better until I woke up sort of. I didn't mean to wail on Sam. He's my best friend." Derek bit his thumbnail. "So yeah."

"So you said it felt good to hurt Sam. Have you ever felt like you wanted to strike out before like this?"

"No," Derek said quickly. "I mean…some goofs will annoy me and stuff but I don't usually do that kind of thing. I'm no rage-maniac."

"Have you ever gotten into a physical fight with Sam before?" Paul asked. Derek looked away guiltily.

"Yeah…back when they were first together. But he broke the Guy Code!" Derek protested.

"Which is what?" Paul asked.

"Relations are off-limits." Derek said, crossing his arms. "A guy can't date his best friend's sister or stepsister or half-sister or cousin."

"That's very interesting," Paul said. "Why don't you want Casey and Sam to be together? Don't they seem happy to you?"

"They don't!" Derek spat. "They fought every time they were together last time. And this time won't be any different, trust me."

"Well, our time is up," Paul said. "I think you should see me twice a week for a while, just to kind of talk things through." When Derek grimaced, Paul smiled. "The more often you come, the faster we can work through what happened and figure out how to move on and not let it happen again and you won't have to come back." Derek looked satisfied at that. "For now though, there's some homework I'd like to give you."

"Homework?" Derek looked wary.

"Nothing complicated," Paul reassured him. "Nothing boring. I just want you to do me something. Can you make out a list of all the girls who you think were significant in your life? I mean romantically, not your mom or your sister or any female relatives, just the romantic ones."

"Why?" Derek wanted to know.

"I think maybe if you analyzed your past relationships, it might help you to understand why you interact with Casey the way you do."

"Uh…what? I don't think of Casey romantically." Derek protested.

"Just do this for me?" Paul asked. "I think it'll help. Even if you don't think of her that way."

"Whatever man. I guess if it means I can be out of here faster than sure."

"Great, thanks. Let's meet again on Wednesday during Free Period."

"Fine," Derek stood up and walked to the door. "See you then." Paul smiled after him. Oh this would definitely be an interesting case study. No pun intended.

**A/N: This is promising to be a fun story! I'm having a lot of fun writing it. Mucho gracias to MagicAngel101 aka J.S. Goldberg aka Jules! Also thanks to Pink/Kat! Luff you girls! Read and review! I love reviews and I love talking to people!**


	2. Chapter 1: Sara

_Chapter One: Sara, my blushing, giggly bride_

"How was your day, Derek?" Paul asked politely as the teen boy settled himself in the chair in front of Paul's desk.

"It was okay," Derek shrugged. "Casey yelled at me for like a half hour about the whole Sam thing yesterday. Whatever."

"Hmm…how did that make you feel?"

"Uh I dunno…I don't like getting yelled at. It's annoying. I just stopped listening though."

"What was she saying before you stopped listening?" Paul asked, writing down some notes.

"Something about disrespecting her privacy…annoying little toady…a total jerk, I really stopped listening after that." Derek leaned back in the chair and shrugged.

"Okay…thanks…so let's see," Paul stopped writing and glanced up at Derek. "Did you do the homework for me?" he smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners. Derek reached into his back pocket and took out a crumpled, folded piece of paper. He held it up for Paul and smiled back slightly.

"Right here dude."

"Good, good." Paul looked pleased. "So…you don't have to show me but why don't you tell me a bit about the girls on the list."

"Uh…"

"Don't worry Derek. Everything we say in here is completely confidential. The only reason I would reveal what you say in here to anyone is if I thought you were in danger of harming either yourself or someone else."

"I dunno though," Derek still looked wary.

"We could go through it one at a time if you'd like," Paul said soothingly. "Just so I can get an idea of your past relationships and how they relate to your current ones." Derek shrugged. "Why don't we start at the beginning? Who's the first person on your list?"

"Sara Wilcox," Derek said, unfolding the list and checking it out. "My blushing, giggly bride," he smirked. Paul raised an eyebrow.

"We were seven," Derek continued.

We were seven and the best of friends. Sara lived next door to us in the Montreal house and we went to preschool together. I shared half my peanut butter and jelly sandwich with her every day and she gave me her extra cookie. We played tag at recess and we rode our bikes down to the babysitters if our parents wanted to go out for the night. As long as we rode together we were allowed to be by ourselves. Of course, the babysitter was just down the street but we thought it was _so_ cool that we could do it by ourselves.

I shared everything with Sara. When I lost my first tooth, I even shared the quarter I got from the Tooth Fairy. She helped me with homework when I remembered to bring it home and we played pirates and knights together. I think I would have moved in with her if I could, back then. We were literally together all the time. She was so smart too; she got the best grades in the class. I was a slacker, even then but she was smart.

One time we went to the movies with our parents and the whole time we fed each other popcorn. I say fed but we really just tried to get it in each other's mouths. I remember that day because we were seeing Aladdin but we didn't really see much of the movie until we watched the tape later on.

I guess I put her on the list because she was the first girl I ever wanted to be with. I mean that literally. In grade two, we decided to 'get married'. I had a cousin who got married and I decided that I wanted to do that with Sara. We had help from our friends. Sara wore her white communion dress and I wore the suit from my cousin's wedding. My old stuffed teddy was the ring bear and my other friend Roger performed the ceremony. It was a simple wedding but…it felt so right when I saw her come down the 'aisle'. It was strange, like I felt more grown up in that one moment than I felt for a long time afterwards.

Well, we were married after that, I suppose. For three days. Three amazing days. I think those three days were the happiest three of my childhood up till that point. I thought I was the luckiest kid ever. I even got a 90 on a reading test, just to prove to my 'wife' that I could be smart too. And then I found out that she was moving to Saskatchewan. I was totally crushed and she was too.

I refused to talk to her anymore. I told her I wanted a divorce so we each took the ring pops we gave each other back and I was really mean to her for the rest of the time she lived there. I think I hated it because I was losing my best friend ever. I think I didn't want to have anything to do with her because I didn't know how to deal with her leaving me and our friendship. She and I had been friends since we were four and we thought we would be friends forever.

I never talked to her again after that. Our parents weren't really close friends or anything so we didn't have any way of staying in touch really. We could have mailed letters I guess but we were really young.

Derek sat back, watching Paul's reaction to his story. Paul looked thoughtful. "Interesting. You know, even for children, you seemed almost more serious about your marriage than most adults. I hear stories now and then, especially with my own kids, about children getting 'married' but they just see it as a fun way to pass a day, something to have fun playing pretend with. But to you guys it seemed like it was possibly more than that?" Derek bit his lip and shrugged but he spoke up again.

"I think maybe it was. We did have fun playing pretend but it was…as if we wanted to make a sort of pact that we would be together forever. Something to symbolize how much fun we had together and how much we liked being with each other."

"Why do you think you put her on the list?" Paul asked.

"Like I said, I think I put her there because she was the first girl I felt connected to outside of my family. She was the first girl I had a crush on and the first girl I wanted to spend a significant amount of time with."

"Hmm." Paul nodded. "That's interesting. Well, same time on Monday then?"

"Yeah…I guess." Derek's openness had faded again; he was back to his usual 'cool' self. "Whatever."

"We'll discuss Girlfriend #2 then." Paul smiled and Derek shrugged.

"Yeah whatever." Derek tried to act like he hadn't been affected by his hour with Paul but he felt strange. This was the most insightful he had probably ever been. It was easy to talk to Paul though, he felt like Paul 'got' him. And he'd never shared his Sara story with anyone else before. He was grateful though, that Paul couldn't break his 'code of silence' and share it with anyone else. He didn't want anyone else to know about it. Hitching his bag on his shoulder, he exited the office, checking carefully to make sure no one he knew saw him coming out. The only people who knew he was seeing Paul were Casey, Nora and his dad—so far at least. He intended to keep it that way as long as possible.

At the end of the school day, Derek went home, still feeling better than ever. In his bedroom, he quickly logged on and got online. He fooled around for a bit, checking his email and offline messages before logging onto his 'other' livejournal. No one in his immediate circle knew about this one. He kept two journals. One was HockeyStar12, where he wrote inane entries about getting in trouble, scoring the winning goal, etc. The other was Ravinglunatic, where he wrote more personal stuff that was mostly friendslocked or private.

_Today was strange. I had a long talk with a friend about some stuff from my past and all and I feel so weird about having shared it but it feels right at the same time. I needed to share that, get it off my chest I think. Whatever. But it was cool. I probably have to apologize to my stepsister soon. I dunno why I went off at my best friend. They're dating and it bugs me. It bugged me the last time too but that was more because I felt like she was taking my best friend away from me. He was _my _friend but he didn't ever want to hang out. He only ever wanted to spend time with _her_. _

_I think maybe this time it's different though. I think there's something else that's getting to me. C's lived here for a while now, it's been more than a year since the last time they went out so it's not as if I'm uptight about a new person in my life taking my old friends away. C is kind of a friend to me though I'd never admit it to her. I don't know how it happened. We never get along. I guess along the way though, we've begrudgingly become somewhat of friends. It's not easy sharing a house with her, she hogs the bathroom and wants the TV at the same time as me and not only that but we have to share friends and teachers too. _

_I'd never admit that I kind of admire her too. Nope, I would never outright admit that. She's a strong girl and a good person, overall. I think she's a little too uptight though, and she can be kinda self-righteous and stuck-up. Under all that though, she's really intelligent and compassionate. I just wish she would loosen up a little. Anyway, this entry's getting really long and rambling so I think I'll jet for now. _

_Mood: Introspective (see, I know big words too)_

_Location: The attic of my mind_

_Music: Coldspray _

He clicked the button to publish the entry and sat back, reading over it quickly. He was being strangely thoughtful today and he figured he'd better go do a few guy things quick before he became a total sissy. Ralph came over and they watched the hockey game together, Derek trying to ignore the dirty looks Casey shot him when she passed by the living room.

**A/N: Yay two chapters in one day! hugs to Jules for reading it over for me Luff you girl! Read and review please! I really love long reviews, it makes my dreams come true and makes me want to write more! **


	3. Chapter 2: Miss Hailey

**Chapter 2: Miss Hailey, my Grade 4 Grade Goddess**

Derek lumbered into Paul's office, in a foul mood. Sam had blown off their street hockey plans to go to the mall with Casey on Saturday. It irritated him how easily Casey could control Derek's world, indirectly. So he was still fuming on Monday when he entered Paul's office.

"Hi there Derek, how are you today?"

"Awful," Derek said, not looking at Paul. "Casey ruined my weekend."

"Hang on one second." Paul stood up and walked behind Derek, locking the door. "I have a few students who might come by and I didn't want them to interrupt us."

"You mean like Casey," Derek smirked, recalling the times he'd seen her bursting into Paul's office.

"Mmm." Paul said noncommittally. "So how did you feel after we talked?"

"Better," Derek admitted honestly. "I guess it's nice having someone to talk to."

"Yes, I know sometimes I just need to talk to my wife about what's happened to me some days. It's not healthy to keep everything inside you," Paul said gently.

"Whatever," Derek shrugged, unsure of what to make of Paul's statement.

"So Derek, are you ready to talk about the next person on your list?" Paul asked.

"I guess…" Derek pulled the sheet out from his pocket, unfolding it again and glancing at the second name. "Heh," he made a noise of amusement in his throat. "Hailey Mooney," he said slowly, reading the name. "She was my grade 4 goddess…I mean teacher," he laughed. "We called her Miss Hailey,"

We called her Miss Hailey, she insisted on it. Never Miss Mooney. She was probably only about five years older than I am now, so early twenties. She was young and gorgeous, to my ten-year-old self. I think I was half in love with her simply when I saw her. She was a tall, blonde woman and had really big blue eyes. She was from California. This was right after we moved to London, so I was in a new school. I think this was around the time I started noticing girls. Most guys my age treated them as if they had cootie germs but I guess I was just different than most guys my age.

So, the first day of class I went in and I met my teacher and I knew I was in love with her. She was gorgeous. I _worshipped_ her. She was very smart, she never made anyone feel dumb or stupid, and she encouraged us to do our best.

Anyway, we were supposed to pick reading buddies and I was the odd person out. Everyone else knew each other already and there were an odd number of students in the class. I thought I was the luckiest kid in the entire school when Miss Hailey said she would be my reading buddy. Every day after lunch during reading time I got to have her all to myself, just the two of us. I would try to read and she'd help me along with the words I didn't know. I think reading was the only subject I bothered to even try in that year.

One day though, towards the middle of the school year, she said it was time to switch buddies and I was so upset. I stopped trying in reading, at least until Miss Hailey found out how bad I was doing at it and then she made Evan Ryan switch with her so she was my buddy again. It was the only class I made a decent grade in the rest of the year.

I think I only became more in love with Miss Hailey during the year. I was totally and completely devoted to her. After Winter break, the school decided to have us line up in the morning for announcements and such and every classroom had to have a line monitor, the person who was in charge to make sure everyone was lined up all nice and neat and would lead the line down to the classrooms after morning announcements were over. Well, Miss Hailey picked _me_ to be the line monitor. I was already so in love with her that when that happened I was certain this was her way of secretly signaling back to me that she felt the same way I did and that we were in a secret relationship now. I was so proud.

I would come in every day after recess and before she got into the room I would drop anonymous presents on her desk, as a 'token of my love'. Stuff like, rocks I thought were pretty or flowers or a cool looking leaf…once I found a tiny, abandoned birds nest and I left that. I wonder if she ever caught on it was me. I'm sure she had to have known.

Valentine's Day was coming up and I wanted to surprise her with a huge heart and a box of chocolates but my mum wouldn't let me buy a big box. She gave me a bag of Hershey Kisses that I was supposed to pass out to everyone in the class and I got a box of Rugrat valentines. I made my own for Miss Hailey, out of construction paper and I colored it with markers. It was really big; I was going to give her the whole bag of candy and my paper valentine as a gift.

But my heart was crushed when I came in and Miss Bailey announced that her boyfriend had proposed to her the night before. She showed off the ring and everything. I remember throwing the bag of candy in the trash and ripping up the Valentine. I was really angry that she had 'cheated' on me, in my 10-year-old viewpoint. I never wanted to go back to school again. In fact, I faked sick the next day. It was the first time I faked sick since I started school. I failed reading too. I tell you, for a ten year old I was pretty neurotic about my affection for Miss Hailey.

"So I basically stopped trying at all after that," Derek finished, leaning back.

"Hmm…" Paul nodded. "It sounded like you were really interested in her. Why do you think you put her on your list?" Derek paused, searching for the answer.

"I'm not actually sure," Derek said. "I loved her because she was beautiful and smart and she was a significant influence in my life. Because of her I fell in love with reading and because of her I stopped trying at all in school ever again."

"Derek, do you think you let girls have a lot of control in your life?" Paul asked, leaning forward slightly.

"Nooo," Derek shook his head. "I control my own life."

"You seem to let the actions of the girls in your life affect you quite a lot though," Paul pointed out. "When you're unhappy you give up a lot. No one has the power to make you feel bad unless you let them." Paul said gently. Derek frowned.

"I don't let them," he protested. Paul held up a hand.

"I think sometimes you think that nothing is worth bothering about when you're upset. If you let those thoughts control you, you don't function well."

"Maybe…" Derek shrugged. "How do I not let them control me? How do I stay in control of myself?"

"You have a bit of a problem communicating," Paul said. Derek chuckled.

"Yeah kinda," he agreed.

"Well, open up to people more. Look, I know how it is. I'm a guy, I know _I_ don't like to share my…feelings…very often," he admitted. "But it's the only way to not let them control my actions. I have to express them and understand them and I can be aware of how the way I feel is affecting my mood."

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "I understand."

"Good, I'm glad," Paul said. "Because our time is up. Same time on Wednesday?" Derek nodded and stood up.

"Thanks," he said. He made his way to his locker, thinking about what Paul had told him.

"Derek?" He turned to see Sheldon Schlepper standing next to him. "I need a favor." Derek raised an eyebrow and stifled the urge to say _Shove off, Schlepper_.

"Yeah?"

"I'm trying to plan a surprise party for Emily's birthday. It's not till next Wednesday but I wanted to have it a bit early. Could you talk to Casey for me? I want her help planning it."

"Why not ask her yourself, Schlep?"

"I'm afraid that if Emily sees me hanging out with Casey a lot she'll think something is going on. I need to talk to her through you." Derek rolled his eyes.

"Fine but…I'm not thrilled about this Schlepper," he said.

"I understand. I know I'm kind of putting you on the spot but I appreciate it." Sheldon smiled brightly at Derek and Derek rolled his eyes again and shrugged. "Can you ask her to call my house tonight?"

"Yeah I guess," Derek said.

"Thanks a ton, Derek. Seeya," Sheldon turned and walked off. Derek sighed, he'd have to find Casey and talk to her now and he wasn't sure if Casey was even talking to him yet. He found her by her own locker, putting her books away before her next class.

"Case, can I talk to you?" he said, coming up quietly. She turned and glared at him before shoving a book a little too hard into her locker and banging her wrist against the side.

"Ow!" she yelped. Derek smirked slightly and reached out, taking her wrist gently in his hand and rubbing the injured spot.

"What are you doing?" she asked, not taking her hand away.

"Shh," Derek said, rubbing the spot. "Be careful." Casey pulled her arm away and shut her locker.

"What do you want, Derek? I haven't really forgiven you yet for beating the daylights out of Sam you know."

"I know," Derek said. "Sheldon Schlepper asked me to talk to you. He wants to plan a surprise party for Emily but he's afraid if she sees the two of you hanging out a lot, she'll think something is going on between you two."

"I see," Casey pursed her lips.

"He wants your help planning it," Derek added. "You're supposed to call his house tonight."

"Alright," Casey nodded.

"Casey…" Derek said quickly. "I lashed out at Sam because I was upset," he decided to give the whole communication thing a try. Casey tilted her head, eyes wide in disbelief.

"If this is some sort of ploy to make me feel sorry for you…" she warned. Derek shook his head.

"No, it's not. I promise. I'm just trying out something new; I'm going to try to kind of…communicate with people instead of just blowing off my…feelings." He swallowed nervously.

"Hmm…" Casey said. "Well, I have to get to class now but if you'd like, we can talk tonight I guess."

"Okay," Derek shrugged. He was still wary about this but he figured that it couldn't hurt either. "I think that'd be great."

"Okay, I'll see you later then. You'd better not be trying to pull one over on me," Casey warned. Derek watched her walk off, wondering what the heck was happening to him.

_DerekandCaseyDerekandCaseyDerekandCaseyDerekandCasey_

Later that night, Derek knocked softly on his stepsister's door, still wondering what the heck he was doing.

"Hang on," Casey called back. Derek nudged the door open and saw she was on the phone. He stood in the doorway, watching her talk.

"Mmhm," Casey said, jotting something down. "Yeah, that sounds perfect. I'll tell him tomorrow. Yeah. Okay…bye Sheldon," she hung her phone up, swiveling around on her chair to face Derek.

"Come in," she said simply. He walked in and perched on the edge of her bed.

"I'm not sure what I'm doing here," he admitted.

"Well, you could explain what you were talking about earlier," Casey said.

"How I lashed out at Sam because I was upset?" Derek asked. Casey nodded. "Well…I was. I don't know why. I just…it bothered me a lot. I don't _know_ why. I couldn't stand it anymore, it felt like someone shook up the soda bottle of my emotions," he confessed. Casey nodded.

"That's interesting, and kind of poetic," she smiled. Derek grimaced.

"Don't start that with me or I'm leaving."

"Fine," Casey said. "You know you don't have to be so hostile. It can be good to share your feelings once in a while."

"I know," Derek said. "I mean…yeah. I guess so."

"Do you keep a journal?" Casey asked, leaning against her desk.

"Yeah," Derek said, holding his breath slightly. _Don't ask me about it_, he begged silently.

"I'm not talking about your HockeyStar12 livejournal," she said quickly. "I mean something more personal."

"Yeah, I do too," Derek winced, feeling like he was making a mistake. "I keep another journal."

"Oh?" Casey looked surprised.

"Yeah," Derek said. "On livejournal." he admitted. It felt strange to tell Casey that.

"Oh," Casey was looking at Derek strangely. "That's good. What username is it?"

"Um…I'd prefer to keep that to myself," Derek said, looking at the floor. "It's private, you know. I only have a handful of friends for that one, mostly people I don't know."

"I see," Casey said, looking thoughtful. "What sort of stuff do you put in it?"

"Um…" Derek kept staring at the floor. He was feeling even more uncomfortable now. "Mostly private thoughts. Some songs. A handful of bad poems." Casey nodded.

"That's good that you have an outlet," she fingered the binding of her own journal, which was out on her desk. "I always liked having my journal. I think it helps me feel like I can figure out what's going on in my life, especially looking back and seeing how I was in the past and how I am now. It kind of…grounds me,"

"Yeah," Derek agreed. "I like having mine too, I feel like I can express myself there in a way that I can't with other people." Casey nodded too.

"You know, it's still early. Want to go for a walk?" she asked. "I know it's a bit weird but the thing is, I have a feeling Edwin and Lizzie are standing around outside the door, listening and taking notes."

"Yeah," Derek glanced at the door, which was semi-shut. "Hang on." He stood up and opened it, watching Lizzie and Edwin dash down the hallway and down the stairs. "I'll deal with them later," he promised. The two stepsiblings made their way downstairs as well. Casey grabbed her jacket off the hook and Derek helped her slip it on.

"We're going for a walk," she called. Derek opened the door and they slipped out before their parents could respond.

"So how's talking to Paul?" Casey asked casually as they walked. The air was chilly and Derek hugged his jacket tighter around him. He could see his breath in the darkness. It was already getting pretty dark even though it was only five o'clock.

"It's…good," Derek said. "I really...think it's helping."

"That's good to hear," Casey said. "I know it's a personal thing so I won't ask too much about it."

"Thanks," Derek said. "It's cold out here, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Casey said. "It's already cold and it's only October."

"Speaking of October…what do you think you're gonna be for Halloween?" Derek asked.

"Hmm…maybe a princess again," Casey shrugged. "I'm not sure yet. What do you think you're gonna dress up as?"

"I dunno. I kind of want to be a pirate again," Derek admitted, grinning.

"Oh my gosh…Pirate Pete!" Casey giggled. "You were a good pirate, I think," she said.

"Thanks lass," Derek growled in his best Pirate voice. "I reckon ye won't have to walk the plank after all."

"Oh, well that's good," Casey said. "I would hate to force you to swordfight with me," she joked. "And run you through."

"I could take ye," Derek growled. "Yer a lightweight." He demonstrated by scooping her up and flinging her over his shoulder.

"Ahh put me down!" Casey beat her fists against Derek's back but he ignored her and continued marching down the street. "Der-EK!" she shrieked, giggling. "C'mon, put me down!"

"Will ye admit yer no match fer Pirate Pete?" he asked. Casey was shrieking and giggling and finally admitted it through her laughter. Derek set her down on the sidewalk and Casey smiled at him.

"This is nice, isn't it?" she asked softly. Derek glanced at her, eyes turning hard briefly before he sighed.

"Yeah, it kind of is," he said back. "But you tell anyone and I'll deny it."

"Fair enough," Casey said. They reached the end of the block and turned around. "It's getting really dark out. We should go home," she said.

"I don't want to stop hanging out," Derek said, almost too soft for Casey to hear him.

"Well we have to go in eventually," Casey said, giggling slightly. Derek shook his head.

"I don't mean now, though I am having fun. I mean in general. It was weird…I felt like I could talk to you about anything," he said slowly. "I want to hang out again."

"Oh well…Sam and I are going out Friday night but we could hang out on Saturday I guess," Casey offered. Derek scowled and Casey reached out and put a hand on his arm. "I haven't forgiven you for that yet," she warned. "And I don't know what your problem with me and Sam is, but you're going to have to get over it. We're together now and we'll be spending time together." Derek shrugged.

"Fine, I guess," he said stiffly.

"Derek…" Casey warned.

"Look, Case…it's going to bug me. Until I figure out _why_, it's just going to bug me. Can we leave it at that? I'm never going to let it get to me so bad that I freak out again though," he promised. "But…"

"Alright," Casey said. "I understand. But…do you think it has something to do with…" she stopped.

"With?" Derek prodded.

"Nothing," Casey said. "I had an idea but it was stupid."

"Oh come on. Remember, it's not good to keep things inside," he said, mocking her lightly. Casey sighed.

"I just thought maybe you might have…feelings…for me…" Casey said cautiously. Derek's eyes widened.

"No…no, noooo that's definitely not it," Derek said. "Trust me. That's not it."

"Alright then," Casey said quickly. "It was just a suggestion." They were finally at their own driveway and the duo made their way up the front steps, back into the warmth of the house, continuing their talk.

* * *

**A/N: I'm so flattered that so many of you are adding me to their alerts list! But come on! Review pleeeeease? I have to go on vacation in five days for a whole three weeks! Don't you want to see me happy and grinning when I come back to see all the lovely reviews?**


	4. Chapter 3: Molly

**Chapter 3: Molly Bates, aka Miss Priss **

"Derek!" Casey called. "Hurry up, we're running late!" It was the first morning in the McDonald-Venturi household that there was no fighting, arguing or any sort of tussle over the bathroom.

"I'm coming! I need something, I'll be right there!" Derek called back. He had almost forgotten his Girlfriend List in the haste to get downstairs. He was trudging back to his room and he noticed his computer was on and he still had livejournal up.

"Casey, go ahead and start the car, I'll be down soon!" Derek shouted again. He was halfway through an entry and he wanted to finish. Typing quickly, he wrote:

_C and I have actually become friends. I didn't think it was even possible. We had a long talk the other night, about everything and it was pretty amazing. _

_Something she said stuck with me though. She mentioned I might have been jealous of S because I have feelings for her. But that's absurd, right? I haven't ever felt anything but a sense of acceptance that C is in my life. I was annoyed at first but I accepted it and I swear that's all I feel. But her words keep playing over and over in my head, making me question myself. _

_Anyway, I have to go. C and I are getting along now and if I make her late for class she might stop being so nice to me again. More later, once I've had time to sort the confusion out. _

_Mood: Confused_

_Location: Running out of time_

_Music: C will probably play Vertigo Indigo in the car shudders_

Derek hit enter, leaving the entry up on his screen. He forgot to set it to private or friends-only as he grabbed his bag and raced downstairs and out the door.

The day seemed to drag on as Derek sat in English class, waiting for it to be over. He counted the seconds in time with the clock on the wall, willing time to hurry up. It wasn't that he was anxious to go talk to Paul today but that he was eager to be free from class. Finally, at precisely the hour, the bell rang and Derek leapt from his seat.

"Derek!" Casey called after him. He swiveled his head, turning towards her. "Hang on," she said, gathering her books together. He waited for her impatiently, tapping his foot against the ground. "Sorry," she apologized, grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder finally. "I have a message for Sheldon though," she said, voice low. Derek noticed Emily standing in the doorway, waiting for her best friend so Derek nodded his head slightly.

"Go ahead," he said quietly.

"Tell him we'll pick up the ice on Saturday," she said. "But don't forget to bring ten bottles of soda. Emily's favorite is Dr. Orange," she said.

"Dr. Orange," Derek nodded. "Got it. We'll get the ice. Wait…we?"

"You and me," Casey said, looking surprised. "Since we'll already be out anyway, I thought you wouldn't mind…" Derek grimaced but shook his head.

"Fine I guess," he shrugged. "Whatever." He gave her a tight-lipped smile. "I'll tell Schlepper." He turned again and walked away, wishing he had another moment to spare to spend with Casey.

_DerekandCaseyDerekandCaseyDerekandCaseyDerekandCasey_

"Hi Derek," Paul said, looking up as Derek walked in the door.

"Sorry I'm late Paul," Derek said. "I had to talk to Casey about this party thing for her best friend Emily."

"It's fine Derek," Paul said. "Let's get started, shall we?"

"Sure," Derek plopped down on the couch and Paul grabbed his notes.

"So, how is everything going?" Paul asked. Derek shrugged.

"Uh…you know…" he shrugged. "Casey and I are actually kind of…getting along now…" he ducked his head, feeling embarrassed.

"I did know that," Paul smirked. "A little birdy came in here prancing about, excited about that." Derek closed his eyes, almost not believing Casey had talked about him with Paul. Then again, he didn't she always? He sighed and opened his eyes again.

"Right," Derek shook his head. "Anyway, so you know I went and talked to her and tried to explain myself, at least as best I could considering I don't _know_ why I acted the way I did, and we had a long talk, we walked around and we just sort of started hanging out."

"Yep," Paul grinned.

"Right," Derek said again. He shifted. Paul was writing something and Derek shifted in his seat again.

"Alright then, ready for Girlfriend #3?" Paul looked up finally and smiled at Derek, who pulled the list from his back pocket.

"Heh…Molly Bates, also known as Miss Priss." Derek smirked. "I sat behind her in Mrs. Paulson's math class."

I sat behind her in Mrs. Paulson's math class. She was _so_ smart. Probably the smartest in our grade. But she was awfully stuck up, pretty much no one got along with her. In fact, back in grade six, everyone kind of made fun of her. I was the worst about it I think, because I actually liked her. She seemed to _always_ know the answer in class and she always had her homework done and even had extra credit done.

And she wasn't into the drama of that age group either. I 'went out' with tons of girls, in fact, probably with a new one every week. Everyone was 'going out' with someone else. But she just focused on homework and on band, which she was in. She played the flute. I kind of dig a girl who can play a musical instrument, especially as well as Molly played the flute. She was second chair and she was only in grade six. And she had two best friends who were also in band. She didn't go out to the movies or to our middle school parties or anything, she just did school and band and I think that was what was the most appealing about her. She was kind of fresh and innocent, whereas the rest of the girls in my age group were really shallow and only wanted to hang on me cos I was cute.

But though she was nice, she was very uptight and everyone else picked up on that and we all called her Miss Priss, never Molly. I think it hurt, it had to, but we were stupid, immature kids and that's what we did. Like I said, I sat behind her in math class and I used to tap her on the back and then look away when she turned to see. She knew it was me. Or I would give her earlobe a tug. I teased her about her clothes and her shoes and her glasses, which I thought were adorable by the way. Everything was fair game. I was kind of a ringleader for the teasing too. And while I did it because I liked her, no one else felt the same; they just followed my lead.

One day I think she had enough of the teasing and turned around in the middle of class and yelled at me. Gave me what for too. We ended up both getting detention. She refused to talk to me while we were in detention but I kept passing her notes, begging her to 'go out' with me, which she refused. I think she thought I was just upping the teasing. I couldn't be honest though because I was afraid that if I admitted I _really_ liked her, she wouldn't take me seriously and it would hurt a lot to be rejected. The notes were stupid too, I purposely made them seem like I wasn't serious.

After that detention, I was really upset and told my friends about how Molly was totally in love with me and stuff and the teasing got worse for her. The girls used to go around and tell her she should go out with me and how she ought to fix herself up, wear skirts and stuff and ask me out. The boys were worse, they ragged on her and stuff and started rumors and I think the only reason they didn't get totally out of hand was because I made sure it didn't.

I really liked her though, a lot and I wanted so badly to ask her out and I finally dumped the girl I was 'going out with' and decided to make my move. It was towards the end of the year and we were all outside for Spring Fling Day and everyone was hanging around outside and Molly was sitting by the baseball field, writing in a little journal. I went over to where she was sitting and sat next to her and told her that I liked her and that the only reason I ragged on her was because I was afraid my friends would think I was stupid for liking her but I didn't care anymore and would she go out with me. She told me to leave her alone but I wouldn't and I just kept asking her and asking her and finally she broke down and said she would.

I was so thrilled but I played it cool and told her she had to give me her phone number. She gave it to me reluctantly but I was so excited. I went home and called her and talked to her for an hour. I think she finally figured out that I really liked her.

So I get off the phone and my dad asked me to come into the living room. He said he and my mum needed to talk to me. My dad sat me down and told me he and my mum were getting a divorce, that they weren't in love anymore but they still loved their kids. I was so upset that I didn't go back to school for three days and when I finally did, Molly cornered me and asked me if I was avoiding her. I told her I didn't want to go out with her anymore. Right in front of all my friends. They assumed I had done it as a joke and I didn't bother to correct their assumptions. I think Molly was humiliated and I felt awful but I was already hurting so much inside that I wanted someone else to hurt too, just so I wouldn't have to feel so alone.

I always regret doing that to her because that day I think I hurt someone really badly. I heard that Molly ended up going to a private all girls' school after that. I have no idea if it was my fault but I'll always blame myself I guess. I wish I could go back in time and have told Molly what was going on instead of lashing out.

"And I guess I'll never get that chance," Derek finished. His stomach had tightened when he talked about his parents' divorce, remembering how much it hurt to hear the news back then. It was a nightmarish time in his life and though he'd gotten over it mostly, thinking hard about the memories of it affected him.

"So you still blame yourself then?" Paul asked.

"Yeah," Derek said, wiping away the moisture in his eyes. He didn't want to cry but it felt like his emotions were getting the better of him. "I felt like a horrible person. What kind of person does that to someone else?"

"Derek," Paul said gently. "You were in middle school. That doesn't excuse the unkindness, but a lot of kids are confused and act irrationally at that age. You can't punish yourself for it forever."

"I know but it feels like that's the only way to repent," Derek admitted.

"It was seven years ago, Derek," Paul said. "And I think that you've more than made up for it by trying to change your behavior now. You aren't the same person as you were eight years ago."

"I guess," Derek said. He blinked rapidly and shook his head. His voice was a bit stuffy when he added, "I just wish I could find a way to make up for it."

"Well," Paul said. "You can become a mentor to other junior high students. If you work with them you can help them to not make the same mistakes you did."

"Yeah," Derek said slowly.

"And you have the chance to make things right now, with the mistakes you've made with Casey and Sam," Paul added. "Write a letter of apology to them both." Derek sighed, grimacing slightly.

"It will help you feel better," Paul said. "Trust me," he smiled at Derek. "So why do you think you put Molly on the list then?"

"Well…" Derek thought about it for a full minute before answering. "Molly was the first girl who made me put my own heart on the line for her."

"You know, you have a way of not being honest about your own feelings, then wondering why no one believes you when you admit to them," Paul said. "Maybe you ought to work on that too, be more up front about your feelings."

"I'm trying," Derek said, shifting. "They're so confusing though. I mean…the other night Casey said something to me and it's been sticking in my mind and I don't know if it's real or if I'm just thinking it could be because she planted the idea."

"What is that?" Paul asked, leaning forward slightly.

"Well…she suggested I reacted the way I did to her relationship with Sam because I might have…feelings…for her. But that's absurd," he said.

"Is it?" Paul asked.

"Of course it is," Derek said vehemently. "I don't like Casey in that way."

"Are you sure?" Paul asked.

"Yeah," Derek said. "The more I think about it, the less sense that makes. I really honestly don't like her in that way."  
"Then there's your answer," Paul said. "If you're certain it's right of course."

"I am," Derek said. "I mean, I think of Casey as a sister. She's my stepsister and that's the only way I think of her. I think of Lizzie as a sister now too. I don't think I like Casey."

"Okay then," Paul said. "Sure. Time's up though. Same time Monday. Have a good weekend, Derek."

"Thanks Paul," Derek said. He shook his hand and grabbed his bag, walking out the door.

He walked down the hallway, so lost in thought that he paid no attention when he walked straight into Sheldon Schlepper.

"Derek!" Sheldon exclaimed. "I was looking for you."

"Oh. Hey Schlep," Derek said quietly.

"What's up with you?" Sheldon asked.

"Nothing," Derek said. "So what did you want to see me about?" Sheldon smiled at Derek as if Derek were pulling a joke on him.

"For the party, of course," he said, lowering his voice. He grabbed Derek's arm and dragged him off down the hall to an empty corner.

"So are there any messages from Casey?" Sheldon asked eagerly. Derek pulled away slightly, uncomfortable at being so close.

"Uh yeah. Me and her are gonna pick up the ice for the party on Saturday morning and I'm supposed to tell you that Emily's favorite soda is Dr. Orange," he said, recalling his conversation with Casey earlier.

"Great!" Sheldon clapped his hands together. "It's all coming together nicely!"

"Alright. Can I go now?" Derek asked.

"Hang on," Sheldon held up a hand. "I need some help picking out music and well…" Derek cocked his head slightly, waiting. "Well Casey said you're a whiz with music and I was kiiiind of hoping you'd come over to my house this afternoon to help me find some good tunes?" Derek shook his head. No way was he hanging out with Schlepper for a whole afternoon.

"No thanks," Derek said.

"Please?" Sheldon gave Derek a small pout. "I really need some help and Casey seemed to think you'd be good at this."

"Schlepper I don't think…"

"Please?" Sheldon asked again. "I know we're asking a lot of you but seriously, we would be totally lost without you Derek." Derek sighed.

"Fine. But you tell anyone about this and you're dead. Hear that, Schelp?"

"Understood," Sheldon nodded. "Come to my house right after school okay?" Derek growled low in his throat, unsettled at how nice he was being to people lately.

"Fine."

"Thank you so much Derek!" Sheldon reached out but Derek put up a hand.

"Absolutely no hugging!" Derek warned. Sheldon backed away.

"Of course," he said. He held up his hand and Derek stared at it. "No high-fiving either, apparently." Sheldon said, raising an eyebrow. "Right. Anyway, see you after school then."

"Seeya," Derek said.

_DerekandCaseyDerekandCaseyDerekandCasey_

Casey stuffed her books in her bag, checking to make sure she had everything before turning to walk down to Derek's locker.

"Hey Case," Casey saw Emily walk up to her and she peered down at Derek, who she saw disappear into the crowd.

"Hey Em, I have to go catch up with Derek," Casey grabbed her bag and Emily stopped her.

"Don't worry about that, I'm gonna give you a ride home girl," Emily said. "Derek had to go do some project after school with Sheldon so he asked me to give you a ride." Casey was first surprised that Derek had bothered to arrange alternate transportation for her, then surprised that he was voluntarily going over to Sheldon Schlepper's house to do _homework_. Something was up, Casey was certain. She was going to find out.

"Alright then," Casey said. "Let's go." They made their way out to Emily's car, the two of them chattering about boyfriends and homework. Casey felt a knot of unease in her stomach grow, as she tried to figure out what Derek was up to.

"So I can't believe you and Sam have been out for a month and a half now!" Emily said as they pulled into the McDonald-Venturi driveway.

"Oh, yeah it's great," Casey said quickly. "Sam's so sweet and I love hanging out with him."

"You guys make a cute couple," Emily grinned. "Especially since you're not acting all cutesy and over-the-top lovey-dovey anymore."

"Heh," Casey shrugged. "I guess I just don't like to be all over him."

"Well, as long as that's what he wants too I guess that's cool," Emily shrugged. "Anyway I have to go home. I think Sheldon is going to call me tonight." She smiled and Casey waved her best friend off before walking into her house.

Casey took the stairs two at a time, eager to search Derek's room and find out what he was hiding from her. It was lucky he had to go over to Sheldon's house, as it gave her a chance to snoop without getting caught. Edwin and Lizzie wouldn't be home from school for another half hour and Nora would bring Marti home fifteen minutes after that. She literally had the house all to herself for a whole half hour right now.

Derek's door was still open from his hurry to get out of the house this morning and Casey walked right in, looking from left to right for anything sitting out that would give her a clue to his recent behavior.

"Hmm…what _are_ you hiding, Derek Venturi?" she walked around to his bed, tossing his comforter aside to see if there was anything lying on the bed. She saw nothing but a phone cord and a ticket stub for an old Coldspray concert. She didn't want to touch any of the actual mess, just in case it was infected with some sort of weird germs.

She glanced over and noticed his computer was still on, though the screensaver was showing a picture of Derek and Sam from a camp trip last summer. She 'accidentally' brushed the mouse and the screen lit up. It was on livejournal and she flicked her eyes upward to the top of the screen. It was Derek's 'other' livejournal. She briefly wondered if she ought to be snooping like this but decided this was probably the best place for more information about what he could possibly be up to. When she read it she was completely shocked. Derek thought he might have feelings for her…this was big. Even as she had suggested the very thing herself, she never actually believed it to be possibly true. She knew she ought to stop now and leave his private thoughts alone but she couldn't help herself as she clicked 'previous entries' and skimmed through a few.

Casey was so absorbed in reading the entries that she didn't even notice when someone came in the door downstairs and walked up the stairs and into Derek's bedroom.

"Casey what are you doing in here?" Derek demanded. Casey jumped, startled.

"I thought you were at Sheldon's house!" she accused. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"This is _my_ bedroom!" he shouted, crossing over to his computer. With a simple flick towards the screen, he knew instantly what was going on.

"Why are you reading my private livejournal!" he demanded. "I asked you not to! I asked you to respect my PRIVACY!"

"Well I was just trying to figure out what you were up to! Why would YOU be hanging out at Sheldon Schlepper's house doing HOMEWORK?"

"I WASN'T!" Derek said. "I was helping him with the music for Emily's party! Which YOU maneuvered me into doing! Without asking me! We came home so I could pick up a few CDs."

Casey felt so incredibly low at that moment. She had violated Derek's privacy with no good reason and had hurt the budding friendship they were trying to create, all in her suspicion that 'something' was up.

"I'm sorry," she tried to respond.

"Get OUT!" Derek said. Casey fled and Derek clicked off his computer angrily. His head was starting to hurt, he felt tense and angry and wanted to kill someone.

"Is everything alright up there?" Sheldon asked from downstairs. "Do you need help getting the music, Derek?"

"It's fine!" Derek called back, clenching his teeth and trying to calm himself down. He walked out of his room and down the stairs, desperate to get away from the scene of the fight.

"I suddenly don't feel so well," Derek lied. "I think it was the burrito I ate at lunch. Could we do this music thing another day this week?"

"How about tomorrow then?" Sheldon asked.

"Fine, whatever." Derek said. "I have a practice with D-Rock tomorrow night but I can do it right after school."

"Alright. I hope you feel better," Sheldon turned and walked back out the door, leaving a fuming Derek.

Derek was furious. He didn't think he could ever forgive Casey for doing something like that to him, for not trusting him for once in her life, especially after he'd been so nice to her the last few days, trying to build up a relationship between them. He wondered if things would ever be right between them again.

* * *

**A/N: This was a really long chapter and kind of an emotional rollercoaster to write. I wanted to put it out though. It was originally longer but I thought that I didn't really need what I had before, so here you go! Thanks to J.S. Goldberg for all her loverly encouragement and support through this. Thanks to all my reviewers and all you crazy cats who thought I was good enough to be put on a favorites list. You're too kind to me, all of you. Look for one or two more updates before I leave in five days. And remember, REVIEEEEW PLEEEASE!**

* * *


	5. Chapter 4: Bianca

_Okay, I forgot the disclaimer but here it is: I don't own Life With Derek. I don't own anyone except Derek's exgirlfriends and that's it. I don't even own my own computer or my car, so don't sue! _

**Chapter Four: Bianca the Bitch**

The next three days of Derek's life were sheer torture. He and Sam still weren't speaking and he was still furious with Casey but he had to work with her to help her and Sheldon plan Emily's party.

On top of that he still had to write a letter of apology to both Casey and Sam for the incident. Derek groaned and sat at his desk, cradling his head in his hands. Things were a mess right now and he didn't know what he was going to do. He was still angry with Casey but a part of him really missed spending time with her as well. Despite their differences, he felt like he could really talk to her. And he was still confused about his feelings for her.

"Derek?" He looked up to see a disheveled looking Casey standing in his doorway. Her hair was a frizzy mess and she was wearing an oversized shirt over a striped long sleeve shirt and jeans. She sighed and Derek noticed her eyes were red as if she were crying. "Derek," she repeated. "I am _so_ sorry," she leaned against the door-frame.

"Save it," he said. It felt good to snap back at her; to be in the right for once.

"Derek please," Casey begged. "I hate how I hurt you, please just listen to me! I didn't mean to violate your privacy," she said, coming into his room more fully and leaning against his bookcase. "I made a mistake."

"Hah," Derek said. "You admit that then?"

"Of course I do!" Casey sniffled. "I made a mistake. But you have to admit, you were acting strangely!"

"Of course I was!" Derek exploded. "I made a mistake too! And I actually tried to do the right thing to correct it. I made a _huge_ mistake but _you_ wouldn't forgive me until I realized I had to change, to be a better person."

"I'm _not_ like you," Casey protested.

"Of course you are," Derek said bitterly. "You're exactly like me. You're just as self-absorbed and shallow as I am. But it's worse for you because you hide it behind a hypocritical façade where you pretend to care but you _don't_, do you?"

"That's not true!" Casey protested. "I care!" Derek snorted. "I do!" Casey said, getting defensive. "I actually care about people unlike _you_. You just push and push until you get your own way!"

"You're a hypocrite Casey," he said calmly. "Run along now and go be with Sam. _Pretend_ that you care about him and your pathetic little relationship."

"You're just _jealous_!" Casey snapped, irritated. "Because you can't stand that Sam has something _you_ want!" Derek closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. Her words had struck him deeply.

"Well I guess if I wanted to prove my point I just did," Derek said, finally speaking. "You don't care about anyone. You're just a self-centered hypocrite who only cares about herself." Casey glowered at Derek. "You can't stand that I might be changing into someone better and you're still the same lame Space-Case."

"That's not true! Ugh! I'm getting the ice _myself_! Don't bother coming with me! You're not invited to the party!" Derek let out a harsh laugh.

"Do I look like I care? I wouldn't want to go to your lame party anyway!"

"Fine!" Casey shouted.

"Fine!" Derek said. He stormed out of his own room, stomping down the steps. Downstairs, he grabbed his jacket and walked out the door, feeling for his ipod in the pocket. He pulled it out and jammed the earbuds in his ears, listening to some angry punk rock while he walked. He didn't have a specific destination in mind but he wanted to eliminate all thoughts of Casey or their argument from his head.

Unfortunately, the next song that popped up on his list was the song "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers. A ball of emotion dropped in his stomach, making him fumble with his ipod to find something else to listen to. He normally loved the song but it reminded him of Casey's accusations that he was jealous.

He just couldn't figure out if it was the truth. It was bothering him a lot and he figured he'd better figure out the answer soon or else he'd turn into a complete head-case. The not knowing was killing him and he wanted to do something to release the overwhelming flood of emotions within him. He needed someone to talk to, someone he could spill his guts to who would listen and not judge and maybe even help him figure out what he needed to know.

Derek walked to the park, down the shaded path until he reached the playground. A couple children were running around the big play structure chasing each other. Another teen was sitting on the swings already, reading a book. Derek recognized it to be his friend Noel Covington and walked over and sat on the other swing.

"Hi," Derek said. Noel glanced up from his book.

"Hi," Noel said.

"What's up?"

"Just reading," Noel closed his book and twisted in his swing. "Haven't seen you around since Trip's party."

"Been busy," Derek said. "Stuff. You know."

"Yeah," Noel nodded. "What's up with you?"

"Stuff," Derek said. "It's got me confused."

"Wanna talk about it?" Noel pushed off on the ground slightly, dragging his feet in the sand underneath the swings.

"Casey's annoying."

"Yeah," Noel agreed. "Sometimes she can be."

"She thinks I like her. But that's crazy. She's my stepsister."

"Only for the last two years. That's not really family, more like people forced to share the same house."

"Yeah," Derek agreed.

"So do you?"

"I dunno."

"What was your first impression of her?" Noel asked, kicking against the sand.

"She was an annoying, stuck up goody-two-shoes."

"Now?"

"She's an annoying, stuck up goody-two-shoes."

"But?"

"But I think I'm in love with her."

"You think?" Derek sighed.

"No. I'm sure actually. That's the freaky part. I shouldn't feel this way."

"Why not?"

"Because…she's my stepsister. She's totally stuck up and she'd never go for me."

"You doubt yourself too much, dude." Noel shot Derek a sideways look. "I know Casey. You're the only person in her life who brings out her fire and her passion. You challenge her and I think it excites her but she's so used to her ordered world that it frightens her too."

"Yeah?" Derek looked back at Noel, heart pounding.

"Yeah," Noel said. "But until _she_ figures that out…you're screwed." He smiled at Derek who rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Do you really think it could work between us then?" Derek twisted in his swing until it was all wrapped around itself and then slowly let it swing around and around, unwinding.

"Sure. I think that if you guys treat each other right and all but you know…the way you are now maybe not." Noel pushed off, swinging back and forth.

"I haven't been here in a long time," Derek said. "I mean on the swings."

"It's kinda fun sometimes," Noel said. "Acting like a kid. But only sometimes. If you do it all the time, those certain moments lose their specialness."

"Hmm…" Derek said, pondering.

"Anyway I have to go," Noel stood up. "Sorry. I have this thing to go to tonight. Catch you later D," he punched Derek lightly in the shoulder and departed.

"Thanks!" Derek called after him.

"No prob," Noel said over his shoulder. "Good luck with everything." Derek took the long road home, thinking about his conversation with Noel. He knew the truth himself, but it took talking to someone else to coax it out of him. Perhaps he was frightened himself of the changes Casey was making in him. She got to him; she made him think and made him crazy.

He walked into the house right as Casey came down the stairs, dressed for Emily's party. Derek glanced up and sucked in a breath. She was wearing a silky red dress that was jagged and asymmetrical at the bottom. It clung tightly to her curves, flaring out just slightly and stopping at the knees. She wore a soft white sweater over it with and a pair of pearl earrings in her earlobes. Derek had to lean against the door to keep from going to her and doing something he'd regret. Her hair was curled and pulled back, showing off her delicate features. He wished that he was anywhere but there right then, too afraid of what he'd do to her if she gave him half a chance.

"You look horrible," he snarled, a tight ball of desire was coiling inside him, making it hard to breathe.

"Shut up Derek," Casey snapped. She walked over to the couch and grabbed her purse.

"Where's Sam?" Derek asked. He felt like he was going to explode if she didn't leave soon.

"He's coming," Casey looked distracted and glanced out the window.

"Sure he is," Derek said. He walked stiffly over to his chair and crashed onto it. Edwin came down the stairs, followed shortly after by Lizzie.

"Oh you look so pretty Casey!" Lizzie exclaimed.

"Yeah, nice," Edwin said, smiling. "Where's Sam?"

"He's coming!" Casey said, sounding defensive. Three heads turned towards her and she looked embarassed.

"Sorry Ed," Casey said. "I'm just a bit impatient. Sam's already ten minutes late."

"No prob," Edwin waved it off. "So D, what are the big plans for the evening?"

"I dunno," Derek mumbled. "Hang out and watch the game I guess." He avoided Casey who bit her lip and turned towards the window again, peering through the curtains. After another five minutes, Casey grabbed her phone, calling Sam.

"Hi Sam," she greeted him. The three others in the room all pretended not to be listening as they listened to her conversation.

"Hmm? You're running late? I guess I can go by myself. Yeah, I understand. Sorry about that. Yeah. Oh Derek?" she glanced over to Derek who grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, trying to seem like he hadn't been listening in. "Derek's just hanging out here. You're sure about that? You're absolutely sure? Alright then. As long as you're sure. I know. I know. Alright. See you at the party then." She flipped the phone off, turning towards Derek.

"Um…so Sam said he's running late," she said. "And wanted to know if you'd bring me. I dunno why but he insisted on that. I think maybe he's trying to make peace or something," she shrugged.

"Yeah fine I guess," Derek shrugged. "I'll do it. I'm glad to."

"Whatever," Casey said. "I don't need to be taken to the party like I'm some weak willed _female_," she shot back.

"Fine then," Derek said. "If that's the way you feel you can go alone."

"I don't have a ride though. Can I…"

"No. It's my car." Derek said firmly. "Ask Nora for the station wagon."

"Der-ek!" Casey whined. Derek rolled his eyes.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Then take me."

"Fine." Derek grumbled. "We're back to where we started though now I'm even less willing."

"Whatever." Casey looked away.

"Tell Nora I took Casey to the party," he glanced at Edwin and Lizzie before grabbing his coat. "Let's go," he walked out the door, Casey hurrying behind him.

"Derek," Casey called, wobbling on her heels. "Derek wait up." He got in the car, unlocking the passenger side door. A sudden desire to prank on Casey overtook him and he started the engine, putting the car into gear and letting it roll forward as soon as Casey opened the door.

"Not funny," she called. She walked up to the door and Derek repeated his actions. "Der-EK!" Casey squealed. She walked up to the car, smacking the back window. "Stop acting so childishly!" He repeated his prank a third time, laughing when Casey almost fell on her bottom trying to grab the door handle. She jumped in and shut the door and he laughed, pulling out of the driveway.

"That wasn't funny," she scolded. "Why do you have to act like a kid all the time? You haven't changed at all, you're just as stupid and immature as ever," she crossed her arms, huffed and looked out the window.

"Because it's fun," Derek said, not taking his eyes off the road. He swerved the car slightly, making Casey grab the dashboard. "See?"

"It is _not_!" Casey snapped. "It's stupid. One day you're going to have to grow up and if not sooner than later, it'll be all the more painful."

"That made no sense," Derek said flippantly. He ignored her and turned the radio on, turning the volume way up and making it difficult for her to talk over the noise.

"Ugh!" she groaned. "You're impossible!"

_DerekandCaseyDerekandCaseyDerekandCasey_

"So how was your weekend?" Paul asked, taking a sip of his coffee. Derek shrugged.

"Alright. Whatever." Paul raised an eyebrow and set his cup down.

"I take it you and Casey have stopped getting along then?"

"Yeah, whatever man," Derek said. "She's a pain." He pulled his cell phone out, sending a text message.

"You're obviously distracted," Paul said lightly. "Are you alright?"

"Whatever. Casey's a total hypocrite jerk and everyone thinks she's a saint. Meanwhile I _try_ to be nice and all I get is grief."

"You _have_ only just started trying to change though," Paul said. "Remember, people aren't used to you behaving differently. They see you in a certain light and it'll take a while for them to see you differently. Especially if you give up so quickly."

"Yeah I guess that's true," Derek said. He put his phone up, fumbling for his list. "So another girlfriend then?" he asked halfheartedly.

"Let's talk about what happened with you and Casey first," Paul held up a hand. "Want to give me the rundown?" Derek sighed.

"So we were getting along great until Casey decided she was weirded out about me changing and went snooping and read my _private_ journal. She totally violated my privacy. I can't trust her now. Then she tried to apologize but I was so mad at her I kinda blew her off I guess. Whatever. I had to take her to her best friend's surprise party on Saturday when Sam couldn't do it and she totally blew me off as soon as we got there for her other friends. When Sam came she didn't even talk to me again the rest of the night. I ended up going back home early. It wasn't fun for me, I barely knew anyone there and Casey didn't even try to be nice and introduce me or anything."

"Hmm," Paul took another sip of coffee. "I see a few problems here. First of all, we both know Casey made a mistake reading your journal. But you have to remember, until recently you did the same to her and worse," Paul pointed out. "I only know what Casey tells me but you've done the same kind of thing to her. So maybe you can forgive her and talk to her and you guys can work out some kind of arrangement that you won't intrude on each other's privacy anymore if you want to build a better relationship. Is that what you want, Derek?"

"Yeah," Derek admitted after a moments pause.

"And I'm sure that's what Casey wants too," Paul said and Derek nodded. "Alright then. Secondly, there's the problem with the party. Well, I don't know what went on with Casey but you have to remember that it was a party for _her_ friend and that she wanted to see her own friends there. It wasn't right for her to blow you off but there's nothing wrong with meeting new people," Paul sipped his coffee, staring at Derek.

"Yeah," Derek said. "I know."

"So maybe talk to her and tell her you understand she wanted to hang out with her own friends but that it upset you that you were left all alone at a party that you didn't know anyone. Tell her you don't mind her hanging out but that she shouldn't ignore you either."

"Alright," Derek nodded.

"So, time for girlfriend #4 then," Paul said, swallowing the last of his coffee. "Ready?" Derek nodded.

"Bianca Disarano," he began. "Also known as Bianca the Word that Rhymes With Witch."

Also known as Bianca the Word that Rhymes with Witch. I was in grade seven at the time that I met her. She was the hottest girl in the entire class. I mean _the_ hottest. She wore the shortest skirts and the skimpiest tops and she knew _exactly_ how to get her way with everyone. Teachers, her friends…even her own parents. She was a cunning girl, downright manipulative at times and when she didn't get her way, or couldn't, she turned extremely nasty. She was Italian and had this exotic, dark look that was really different next to all the blonde, blue eyed girls. I fell for her just as hard as all the rest of the boys in my class. That's exactly what she wanted though.

I think she wanted me the most though. I'm not sure why. Probably she heard what I did to Molly Bates the year before. Maybe she just liked me. Whatever the reason, she had her sights set on me. She flirted with me absolutely outrageously for a couple weeks but the second I flirted back she stopped. Completely and cold turkey. Literally, I said something about hanging out with her that weekend and she told me to get lost.

That's when I decided I _had_ to have her. She was like a forbidden dessert or something, just so beautiful and amazing but just out of reach. I spent ages and ages finding out everything I could about her. I found out she liked to go for pizza every Friday night with her two best friends at Mama Mia's Pizza, she played soccer and was in a tap-dancing class at the Rec Centre and she was the former Little Miss London when she was eight.

I used to show up at Mama Mia's Pizza every Friday night, and sit near the back, in the booth across the way from Bianca and her friends. She saw me, she had to have, but she would totally ignore me or shoot me dirty looks.

I went to her soccer games too, watching her on the sidelines. Her best friend Mary had a huge crush on me but if I sat next to Mary, Bianca would glare at her and mouth rude things during breaks. She called her all manner of rude names. I didn't want Mary to suffer the wrath so I took to sitting as far away from her as possible. I still liked Bianca more than anything though. I tried everything I could think of to get closer to her but she would just blow me off or ignore me or give me dirty looks. In fact, it got to the point where the harder I tried to get her affection; the meaner she was to me. She started playing pranks on me, just for fun, seeing how much she could humiliate me.

It made no sense but like I said, Bianca was the master manipulator. One day I just couldn't take it any more. I snapped. Every prank she pulled, I pulled one right back. And I found out it was so much _fun_ playing pranks. In fact, I got to be so good at it I was voted "Class Clown" in the yearbook. And the more pranks I pulled on Bianca, the friendlier she was to me.

Finally, after a grand master prank war for the ages that I totally won, Bianca agreed to go out with me. It was perfect. For the first day of the two weeks we were together at least.

Bianca was totally evil and demented, which I didn't know until I went out with her. She had her parents fooled into thinking she was this amazing girl but she was a real witch to them. She made them give her their bedroom, they moved upstairs to hers and she got the big master bedroom. She made her little sister do a ton of stuff for her, including stealing stuff from the mall and being a total slave to her all the time. She hated everyone but pretended to like them so they'd like her even though in secret, she spread mean rumors about them and made it seem like other people were doing it.

I got so fed up with her mean ways and her total weirdness that I finally broke up with her. It didn't matter though, by the end Bianca was bored of me and had already started looking for a new guy to toy with. That's all I was to her, a big toy. She could play with me and make me move and say all the right things but once I was totally under her control she was bored. I caught her making out with my friend Seth Newbauer in the janitor's closet the next day.

"So I pretty much knew that was the end of that," Derek said, leaning back.

"Wow," Paul shook his head. "Bianca sounded quite messed up."

"Yeah, I think her parents finally figured out how twisted she was and sent her away to school in grade eight." Derek said.

"So why did you put Bianca on the list then?" Paul asked.

"Probably because she affected me a lot," Derek said. "I was totally consumed by her at the age of thirteen. She was everything to me, I built my existence around her."

"And you found out how wrong that was?" Paul asked.

"Yeah. I mean, she had everyone fooled but at the same time, no one was fooled. They all knew she was a witch but they were afraid of what she could do to them if they called her out on it. And I was like everyone else. I was afraid but I was also weirdly fascinated by her. It was like a painting of a murder. Beautiful but seriously twisted at the same time, and when you looked at her you forgot how twisted she really was. But she was. She was absolutely psychotic." Derek ran a hand through his hair shakily.

"I see," Paul said. "Do you think you let other girls control you like that anymore?"

"I dunno. I try not to," Derek said. "Bianca was the master of crocodile tears. She would go into absolute hysterics if she wasn't getting her way. I fell for it every time, and I hated that I did. Which is probably why I get freaked out now when anyone cries around me."

"Do you think that's healthy?" Paul asked. Derek stiffened slightly.

"Probably not. I don't know how to deal with them though. Bianca kind of messed me up I think."

"Well, that's something else we'll have to work on then I think," Paul said.

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "I guess."

"Alright, that's all the time we have today," Paul said. "Thanks for coming in. Same time Wednesday, right?"

"Uh, yeah, right," Derek said. "Thanks Paul."

"No problem Derek." Paul said. Derek left the office and headed to his locker. He felt strange inside, kind of angry and weird. He hadn't even really thought about how much Bianca had affected him until then, when he realized it. Maybe Bianca was part of the reason he was so worked up about Casey. He let girls really have a lot of control and that bugged him. No more. He wasn't going to date anymore until _he_ decided he was ready; till he could stop being so messed up about girls. Derek Venturi was officially putting a self-imposed ban on dating until he could clear his head a bit more. Till then, his fanclub would just have to wait. He smirked, shoving his books in his locker and closing it.

* * *

**A/N: One more update before I leave! I hope you guys are happy, I had to push myself soooo hard to get this out :P But I just couldn't leave without one more update! See you all in three weeks! Have a good June everyone! Thanks to J.S. Goldberg for all her help and encouragement! REVIEW PLEEEEEEEASE BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE THEM WHILE I'M ON VACATION SO I HAVE MOTIVATION TO COME BACK AND WRITE MOOOORE! /pleading. **


	6. Chapter 5: Jenny

**Summary:** Derek discusses girlfriend #4 and someone from his past comes back.

**Rating: K+ **

**Disclaimer:** Don't own LWD

Chapter Five: All-American Jenny Jones

The Ban on Dating, Derek decided, was good in a strange way. The less he cared about girls, the more free time he realized he had. And the more free time, the more bored he grew and the more often he picked up a schoolbook and flipped through it. It was strange, the last few nights he'd done more homework than he had in his whole high school career. The more homework he did, the less his dad got on his case and the less he was around to be bugged by any of the other people in his house.

"Derek! Dinner!" He closed his math book quickly; he was glad to get away from the army of numbers that marched up and down the page. While he was okay with doing homework, he wasn't sure he'd ever be too enthusiastic about math. He jogged down the steps, avoided looking at Casey and sidled into his seat at the table.

"So, what have you been doing in your room all afternoon?" Nora asked, passing a bowl of potatoes. Derek shrugged, feeling several pairs of eyes on him.

"Homework." He snagged a roll from the basket, shoving it in his mouth so he wouldn't have to answer any more questions. Casey snorted and Edwin looked startled.

"Ed," Derek said, swallowing his bite of food. "Pass the milk." Edwin glanced at Derek, shaking his head.

"You'll get it when its your turn!" Casey sniped. She poured herself a glass, glaring at Derek all the while.

"What's new in everyone's lives?" Nora said brightly, turning the topic of conversation.

"We have our grade eight play auditions soon," Lizzie spoke up, blushing. "They're doing Fiddler on the Roof."

"Oh that sounds awesome!" Casey said, turning to her sister. "Are you going to audition?"

"Maybe," Lizzie shrugged. "Do you think you could help me? You're a good dancer and well…I'm _not_ and I dunno if I can sing very well but yeah…"

"Of course you can sing," Casey said, still smiling. "You're a great singer. And of course I'll help you with the dancing."

"Just watch out that she doesn't totally take over your life with it," Derek muttered. Casey flashed him a Look and turned back to her sister.

"We can start after dinner if you want."

"Thanks," Lizzie said, looking grateful.

"There's a science fair in a few months," Edwin said, taking a bite of roast beef. "I think I'm gonna enter. I'm not sure yet what my project will be though."

"How about a study on how long Derek will go without bathing," George joked. Derek rolled his eyes.

"Funny, dad."

"Hmm…" Edwin pondered that for a moment.

"Don't even," Derek warned.

"What's wrong?" Casey said, goading Derek. "It used to be that you'd gladly go without showering."

"Yeah, well it used to be that I did a lot of things that I don't do now." Derek said, turning to her. "Not that you'd notice. You're too busy being a self-centered super keener to notice it when someone around you changes."

"_I'm_ the self-centered one?" Casey shot back.

"Kids," Nora spoke up. "Enough,"

"Yep," Derek countered. "Always have been, always will be. No matter what you do to change my opinion, I'll always think the same way of you because no matter who a person was, they can never _really_ change." He winced, recalling the last time he had heard those words.

"Sure they can," Casey responded, glaring. "Except if they're immature Derek Venturi." Derek balled his fists under the table.

"Kids!" Nora said. "Enough!" she scooted her chair back, standing slightly. "Derek, that's enough. Casey, I think you've behaved abysmally towards your brother tonight."

"He's not my brother!" Casey spat. "We're not related at all! You just forced us to live in the same house together. We were strangers before all _this_ happened."

"Casey!" Nora said, giving her daughter a warning.

"You never even asked me if I wanted to live with such an obnoxious jerk!" Casey yelled. Nora looked angry.

"Casey," she said, voice deadly calm. "Go to your room. Now."

"Fine!" Casey shoved the chair back from the table, scraping the wood. She flung her napkin and marched up the stairs, fuming. Derek tossed his napkin on his plate, all appetite gone.

"I'm not hungry," he muttered. "I'll be in my room."

"Derek!" Nora called. He ignored her, feeling furious and ill at ease. He got up and walked up the stairs to his room.

***** *** *****

The next day was his next session with Paul and he was still angry and frustrated upon entering Paul's office.

"Hi," he said. Paul looked up, noticing the stormy look on Derek's face.

"Trouble in paradise?" he joked. Derek shot him a Look and Paul nodded in understanding.

"So what's bothering you today, Venturi?" Paul asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Casey refuses to give me a chance," Derek said. "At all. I try and try and she never listens to me. In fact, she's exactly like Jenny in that way," he said darkly.

"Jenny?" Paul asked.

"The next girl on my list. Should I talk about her now or…"

"No that's fine. I think we can, if you think it relates, we can definitely."

"Alright then." Derek pulled out the list and glanced at it cursorily before folding it up. "Jenny Jones." He smirked, reminiscing for a second.

Jenny was like a tornado. Tornado Jenny. She swept in from somewhere in America and charmed everyone, including me. She swept me totally off my feet, she was adorably difficult and somehow made my life so much more interesting.

It was the third week of grade nine, I remember because it was my first high school detention. Jenny had razzed me into pranking her by taking all her pens and pretending to have no idea where they were. Then I shot them all up at the ceiling and when the teacher asked whose pens they were, Jenny was forced to say they were hers. It was sheer elegance in its simplicity.

So she yelled at me and called me every name in the book, right there in class. It was so incredibly hot. We both got detention. She accused me of sabotaging her on purpose and what can I say, I admitted to the truth. We fought a bit and then, out of nowhere, I kissed her.

It wasn't very long though before she succumbed to the old Venturi Charm. No girl can resist it, not for a long time anyway.

So we went out a week and it wasn't long before I was bored. What can I say, I like a challenge and Jenny Jones was too sweet to stay much of one. I liked her but things weren't going so well so I had a date with Carmen on Friday and with Gina on Saturday and planned to meet up with Jenny on Saturday night.

Well, during my date with Jenny, guess who calls? That's right, Gina AND Carmen. Jenny accused me of being a perpetual flirt and I agreed. But I promised to change, and I was honestly making an effort until Jenny accused me of hooking up with Miranda, her new friend on the cheerleading squad. That was a lie but every time I tried to convince her I wasn't cheating, she'd find someone new that I was 'cheating' with. I couldn't stand the nagging, the tears and accusations, the questions that sounded more like she already KNEW the answer...I couldn't take it anymore, it was the stupidest reason ever but I figured that if she had me pegged as a cheater, I might as well be one. So I hooked up with Lora, Paige, Steph and Alyssa. All in a row. Wasn't even subtle about it. Actually, that's how our relationship ended, me and Jenny. It was like we were just...not together anymore because I never called her back and I stopped talking to her and she stopped approaching me in the hall. She knew it was over as much as I did.

And yet, as stupid and awful as I behaved, I can't help wondering how things would have turned out if she hadn't accused me of cheating so often, if she had just given me a little chance to prove myself. I guess...she set a pattern for me, I didn't care if I hurt a girl anymore because I figured that any relationship with me was doomed from the start, I couldn't be faithful.

Derek shrugged and leaned back. It felt good to get it off his chest but on the other hand, he felt more angry and confused than ever. Maybe he wasn't capable of change. Not -really- anyway. He was the sort of person who would end up alone, fat and middle-aged with no girlfriend because he couldn't be good to girls.

His head was so full of these thoughts that he didn't notice what Paul was saying.

"Derek," Paul called. Derek drifted off, imagining what his future would be like, twenty years down the line.

"Hi Dad and Nora!" a grown up version of Edwin bustled through the door, pushing a baby carriage. "I'm here with my wife and the kids to see you!"

"Oh that's nice, Edwin!" Nora, an old version of his stepmother, came down the stairs, followed by an aged version of his father. "Casey and her husband and children are out back with Marti and her family and Lizzie and her second husband!"

"Where's Derek?" Edwin asked, pushing the pram into the house.

"Oh he's right here, loafing on the couch. Same as he's been doing for the last twenty years," Nora let out a wheezy chuckle.

"Hey lil bro!" Derek called, standing up. Derek, the younger Derek, gasped. He was OLD! He had wrinkles and some grey hair and a big belly. "Dude, I had a date with Britney the Ice Cream Girl last night, it was so sweet. Being married must totally suck."

"Well, I love it," Edwin said in a hearty voice. "I have someone to take care of me, someone to have children with and I don't feel like I'm missing out on sharing my life with someone special instead of a series of meaningless and endless dates with the new girl of the moment that I never get to know deeply and truly."

"I'm not lonely!" Derek protested, slamming out of his daydream.

"Sounds like you might be," Paul said. "Do you honestly like the series of endless and meaningless dates, never getting to know one girl in particular in a deep and true way?"

"I've had serious relationships before," Derek protested, defending himself weakly.

"Yes, I know. But you're back to your old patterns, aren't you?"

"I am not!" Derek protested. "In fact, I've put a self-imposed ban on dating."

"Do you think that's smart?" Paul raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Yes," Derek nodded vigorously. "I think right now, until I can clear my head and figure out what's going on up there, and until I can sort myself out, I don't need to be dating anyone."

"Sounds very smart," Paul said with a smirk. "And what's better, it's something you figured out all on your own, with no help from me. I'm impressed. And further, I'm proud of you, Derek."

Derek flushed lightly under the praise. "Well, I think it's almost time for me to go," he said thoughtfully. "I think this counseling junk is really helping. Thanks, Paul."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for." Paul said. "So, just be ready for next time and for now, good luck with your ban on dating."

"Thanks," Derek nodded. He slipped out the door into the hallway and headed towards his locker when he literally ran into someone, causing them both to drop what they were carrying.

"My list!" Derek grabbed for it and stuck it in his pocket before the other person could see it. He slid down to grab what was left on the floor, hands colliding with the other person's. Derek blinked several times. The female in front of him looked so familiar, it was uncanny, he couldn't place her but she stuck out in his mind.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't watch where I was going and I'm new here and all and..."

"Hey, it's alright," Derek said. "My name is Derek."

"Hey Derek, I'm Sara Wilcox," she said with a smile.

Derek's eyebrows shot straight to his hairline.

"Sara Wilcox of Toronto? Lived next door to an adorable rapscallion of a boy that you promised to be with forever in a sham wedding that you broke the vows of three days later?"

"What?"

"It's me," Derek said, suddenly feeling hypertastic and giddy. "Derek Venturi. We got married when we were seven."

"Oh my god." Sara looked just as giddy and she flung herself at him. "Derek Venturi! Look at you, all grown up. Oh my gosh, you are so hot," she blushed. "Well, don't let my boyfriend hear me say that," she giggled. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. You know, you're the reason I told my mom I'd never get married, when I was thirteen. It's so amazing to see you!"

"Mmmph," Derek was being squashed in a hug by a very hypertastic eighteen year old version of his wife. He felt inexplicably happy that she had a boyfriend, which was odd but he figured it was the confusion over things with Casey and everything going on so he let it go.

"So wow. Who'da thunk we'd have reconnected in London, of all places?" she picked her books up and stood up, straightening her skirt. "I mean, gosh it's been what, eleven years? It's insane how time flies, isn't it? Oh my gosh, I just can't believe it."

"Wow, so what brings you to London then?"

"Funny story," Sara said quickly. "My dad's job wanted him here, so they transferred him here last week. I guess it's not so much a funny story as a boring one, heh," she laughed at herself and shook her head. "Well anyway, I just started here today. Maybe you could show me around?"

"Oh sure," Derek nodded. "So, your boyfriend, where does he live?"

"Well, he's in Saskatchewan still, I guess we're breaking up. I don't like long distance. Nothing against it but you really can't know a person if you're so far away from them. So I guess it doesn't matter if I think you're cute!" Sara giggled and Derek's head spun trying to keep up. "Oh, so maybe we should hang out after school today!" Sara said. "You can show me around London and all. Where do you guys hang out anyway? Back home in Saskatchewan, we hung out at a place called Meyer's. It was like, a cool place, really dark and mysterious. They say it was haunted but I think that was just a marketing strategy. It was fun, I miss it." She looked so sad that Derek put his arm around her.

"You can hang out with me at Smelly Nelly's," Derek said. "I work there. It's nothing like Meyer's I guess, it's just a restaurant and bakery."

"Oh, well it sounds fun anyway," Sara said brightly. "So, can you show me the way to room 303, that's where my English class is."

"I'm in that class," Derek said quickly. "I'll take you. Just let me get some stuff out of my locker."

"You'll have to fill me in on the cool culture here at Thompson," Sara said. "After all, I wouldn't want to stick out like a sore thumb around here," she grinned and Derek shrugged.

"You'll be fine," he said. She was so bubbly and cheerful, was she always like that or had she just changed over time? Whatever it was, she was all grown up now. And incredibly hot.

"So, you're going to break up with your boyfriend?" Derek asked as they walked down the hall, a grin on his face.

That afternoon, as Derek was waiting for Casey to get done with her gabfest or whatever it was she did after school, he spotted Sara again.

"Hey hubby!" Sara called out to him as he leaned against the bay of lockers.

"Hi," Derek smirked. "What are you doing after school?"

"Just working on unpacking," she shrugged. "What about you?"

"Well, I'm waiting for my dorky stepsister to get done doing whatever it is she does after school and we're going over to Smelly Nelly's to hang out."

"Oh sounds fun," Sara smiled brightly and shook her honey-blonde hair out of her green eyes.

"Wanna come?" Derek offered.

"Oh definitely," Sara nodded. "It's like, I don't know anyone here so it's a total godsend that you're here and I know you and all because I don't know what I would have done for the first few weeks here without someone to talk to and hang out with. I mean, it's hard being the new kid because everyone sort of avoids you, they don't want to seem desperate for a new friend or like they're needy so it's hard to make new friends at a new place for the first few weeks at least."

"Right," Derek said, nodding. He didn't remember the last time a girl talked so much around him, even Casey wasn't as talkative. But then again, it was sort of cute, like she had so much to say and wanted to say it to him.

"So like, where is your stepsister anyway?" Sara asked curiously. Derek fidgeted with the strap of his backpack and glanced around.

"She should be here soon," he said. "In about two minutes she'll come walking around the corner, either ridiculously happy," here he dragged out the word 'ridiculously'. "Or she'll be in tears over a stupid fight with her boyfriend Sam or her best friend Emily."

"Ahh," Sara nodded. "Sounds like you know her pretty well."

"Yeah well, if you're forced to spend as much time with someone you get to know them," Derek said.

"Well, we have another minute and a half," Sara said. "Did you need to get anything out of your locker?"

"Nope, I'm good. Do you have to go to the bathroom or get a drink or anything?" Derek asked.

"Nope, I'm good too," Sara said.

"Cool," he leaned back against the bay of lockers and settled into a comfortable silence with Sara until they both saw Casey coming around the corner. A giant grin was plastered across her face and she practically glowed. Unfortunately, Sam was with her as well, hands laced together. At least she wasn't still mad at him, Derek thought.

"Hey Derek, Sam wanted to know if he could come with us," she said brightly.

"Uh..." Derek stammered. He glanced at Sam who was eyeing him just as warily as Derek was eyeing Sam. "Well, okay," Derek said finally. "I guess it's cool."

"Great!" Casey said. "Who's your friend?"

"This is Sara Wilcox," Derek said carefully. "She's and I knew each other when we were little kids. She's new here, just moved from Saskatchewan."

"Oh hi," Casey waved. "It's nice to meet you, Sunny."

"It's Sara," Sara said uneasily. "Thanks."

"So are we all ready to go then?" Casey asked brightly. "I'm ready." The other three nodded and Derek lead the way to The Prince before they headed towards Smelly Nelly's. Derek had a feeling that he was going to have to talk to Sam at some point so he was glad of this chance to do so.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm back! I'm sooo sorry about the horribly horribly long wait. I got writers block like mad on this but I promise I worked hard to get something out. Only recently did I finally break through and have something deliverable, so here it is! Please please enjoy and I promise that the next update will be a LOT sooner.

In fact, I'm going to try to aim for a weekly update from now on, since I managed to take the wall of writers block down on this story. Thanks for all the reviews and positive comments up to this point! Tell me if you like it!


	7. Chapter 6: Vicki

**Summary: **Derek starts having confusion over things with Sara and his confusing emotions over Casey.

**Rating: K**

**Disclaimer: **Don't own LWD

Chapter Six: Icky Vicki

"So, D..." Sam looked uncomfortable as Derek felt. They were sitting around by themselves at a table at Smelly Nelly's while the girls were in the bathroom.

"I'm sorry man," Derek said.

"I getcha," Sam nodded. "You were just..."

"Totally," Derek nodded vigorously. "And I'm seeing a Paul and all now, so it's..."

"Definitely," Sam said. "You know, we should hang out this weekend." And just like that, Derek Venturi and Sam Richards were back to being friends.

"Hey guys," Casey came back with Sara and sat next to Sam, giving him a peck on the cheek. "Did we interrupt anything?"

"Nah," Sam shrugged. "Derek and I were thinking about getting the band back together though," he grinned and Derek grinned back.

"Even me?" Casey asked warily. She was usually excluded when Derek talked about D-Rock. Sam glanced over at Derek who shrugged.

"Why not?" Derek said quickly. "You usually end up part of the band anyway. Might as well make you officially the lead singer."

"You have a band?" Sara asked. "That's so cool! What kind of music do you guys play? Have you played any coffee houses or bars?"

"Well, we're a little young for the bar scene," Casey said, interrupting Derek who had just opened his mouth to speak. "But we played a school talent show and an open mic night here at Smelly's. Oh, and we did this show at a retirement home for Ralph's grandma and her friends."

"Which we still do not speak of," Derek glared at Casey who blushed. "It never happened and we promised never to speak of it again, right?"

"Right," Casey said sheepishly. "Anyway, so what were you guys thinking?"

"Just having band rehearsal this weekend," Sam said casually. "Probably just for fun, really."

"Wow. Well, if you were interested in like, playing at a gig, I have a cousin looking for a band to play at her wedding," Sara said eagerly. "I bet she'd love some cute musicians like you guys."

"Oh hmm," Sam said.

"We'd love to do it!" Derek and Casey said at the same time. Derek glared at Casey who remembered her conversation with Paul and backed down.

"I'll give you guys her number," Sara said brightly. "Anyway so like, what kind of food do you guys have here?" she asked, glancing at the menu. "I have specific tastes. Like, I don't really like hot dogs or tater tots, I mean, who eats balled up hash browns anyway?"

"They have pie," Sam offered. "Blueberry and Boston Cream. And some others."

"I love Boston Cream Pie!" Sara exclaimed.

"Me too!" Sam said brightly.

"I like Apple," Casey said with a sniff, eyeing Sara.

"Well I like hamburgers and I like getting some _service around here_," he said the last part loud enough for Marco, the new waiter, to hear. Marco hurried over as soon as he finished at a table across from theirs and stood in front of Derek.

"Hi," Marco looked nervous and Derek crossed his arms. "What can I get you guys to drink?"

"Root beer."

"Water with lemon."

"Splash."

"Same for me," Sara added.

"Alright," Marco jotted the orders down diligently and scurried off.

"So, what's new with everyone?" Sara asked. "I mean, I hardly know you guys and I only know Derek because I married him when I was seven and you kinda don't forget something like that," she said in a joking voice.

Casey wrinkled her nose at that comment. "You married Derek? I always thought he'd be the last McDonald-Venturi to get married, not the first."

"Well it only lasted three days," Sara said. "I found out my family was moving to Saskatchewan and we got a divorce."

"Yup, sound like Derek." Casey smirked and Derek rolled his eyes and casually slung his shoulder around Sara. Marco came back at that moment with their drinks and Derek was forced to move his arm back.

"So, what would you all like to eat?" Marco asked, flipping his order pad open to a new page.

"Hamburger, steak fries and a piece of oreo cake."

"A house salad with balsamic vinagarette and a slice of Boston Cream Pie."

"Mushroom swiss burger, poutine and a piece of Boston Cream Pie."

"I'll have a grilled cheese sandwich but could you make it with whole wheat bread instead of white and I'd like a slice of pepper-jack, a slice of mozzerella, some tomato and a slice of sharp cheddar in that order. And I would like my poutine without the curds. I'd also like a piece of Apple pie with low-fat whipped cream and a maraschino cherry on top."

Marco wrote furiously, nodding along with each specific order for the last one. Derek looked annoyed at Casey who just ignored him and handed over her menu.

"What's the best thing to do on a Friday night around here?" Sara asked, looking around at the other high schoolers who were also hanging out at Smelly's.

"Hockey games," Derek and Sam said in unison. They smirked and Casey rolled her eyes.

"If you're into that sort of thing," she said with a sniff of disdain. "Not that it's not...oodles of fun," she glanced at Sam with a tinge of red on her cheeks. "It's just not really...my thing very much."

"Well I love hockey," Sara said, shrugging. "I watched it all the time in Saskatchewan. It's not like there's a whole lot to do in the middle of the country." she giggled. "Actually, I can play a bit myself. My boyfriend taught me. Do you guys play?" she asked curiously.

"Yup," Derek said. "We're both on the school team."

"D is pretty awesome," Sam added with a nod. "Definitely come watch us sometime."

"I'll be there," Sara said quickly. Their food arrived and the group continued chatting as they ate. Finally, when the food was cleared and the checks paid, Derek drove Sam and Sara to their houses before heading home with Casey.

"Sara seems nice," Casey said stiffly. Derek kept his eyes on the road, shrugging.

"Yeah, she is nice," he said.

"She's very...friendly."

"Yep." Casey didn't respond to him after that and they both sat in silence for the remainder of the short drive to their house. At home, Casey bounded off to her room and Derek headed to his, figuring he needed to get started on his homework or he'd be up late trying to finish.

As he worked though, his mind kept drifting back to his time with Sara. She was really cute with long blonde hair and emerald green eyes...he had forgotten those cute green eyes in the long time since they last saw each other. Plus, she played hockey. He didn't know any other girl who could play hockey except maybe Lizzie who didn't count since she was his sister.

Not only did she play hockey but she was offering D-Rock a proper gig, something that could take them places. Besides that one time with Ralph's grandma (which they still don't speak of and he only thinks about because of the circumstances of this situation), they haven't done any real work. Their band was mostly for fun but he figured they should at least give one last good effort before they all left for university.

Derek's mind continued to wander as he did his homework and he found it hard to focus on anything but Sara's pretty green eyes. Eventually he stopped, figuring a break would clear his head.

He logged onto his livejournal account and started a new entry.

_**Two steps forward, one step back **_

_So I decided to put the brakes on dating for now. I mean, my head is all messed up with confusion over C and I don't think it would be fair to date some girl while I don't know if I like another. But the thing is, someone I knew a long time ago has reentered my life today. Someone who doesn't make me confused. Someone who might make me want to stop thinking about C._

_Ever since I've known her, C has made my life nothing but chaos. Sometimes I think I like the chaos that she brings. Today though, this other person made me feel a sort of inner peace and maybe peace would be better for me since my life is heading in a new direction right now._

_But...every move I make blurs the lines and every step I take gets harder. My heart says one thing, my head says another and ne'er the two shall meet._

_Mood: Romantically challenged_

_Location: The In-Between Place_

_Music: Rope of Glass "Breathe in and Out" _

Derek stopped writing, feeling a sense of relief wash over him as he pressed the 'publish entry' button. It always felt so good to get his words out of himself, to be able to give voice to the constant confusion of thoughts inside his head. He leaned back and reread the entry, smiling for the first time in a few hours.

He finished his homework before dinner and spent the rest of the evening zoned out watching hockey and reruns of "Fat Chance", a VTV dating show. He managed not to think about either Casey or Sara, even during one rerun where a guy had to pick between a girl who danced ballet and a girl who played hockey.

Finally, exhausted from his day, his head hit the pillow and he went to sleep.

"Hey, Derek," Derek glanced up from his desk and saw that Sara was walking towards him. Something was off about her though, something looked strange.

"Hi," Derek said. "What are you doing in my French class? You're in Advanced French."

"Oui," Sara said with a giggle. "But I wanted to see you." Derek smirked and Sara jumped on his desk and sat in front of him.

"It's so lonely without you," she cooed. "I miss seeing you everywhere."

"I'm right here," Derek said, his voice suddenly low and hoarse.

"I see that," she said, reaching out to brush a strand of hair out of his eyes. She leaned down, closer and closer and he could see her green eyes but they changed, they were blue and she didn't have blond hair anymore, it was brown...she wasn't Sara...

"Casey!" Derek jerked back, leaping out of his seat.

He sat up with a jolt, breathing heavily. It was bizarre and Derek suddenly felt agitated. He got up and went downstairs to get a glass of water, too keyed up to go back to sleep.

The next day, Derek avoided both girls as much as he could. It worked until he woke up the next night in a cold sweat, having had another dream. This time he was on a ship at sea when Sara appeared out of nowhere. He began to dance with her, spinning her all around the deck. When she twirled around, she flew back into his arms as Casey and he had almost kissed her but woke up again.

***** *** *****

"Hi," Derek said, running a hand through his hair for the fifteenth time that morning.

"Hi," Paul looked up from some papers and Derek slumped into his seat. "You don't look so good," he commented.

"I didn't sleep so well," Derek said, hesitant to tell Paul about his misstep ever since Paul had praised him for taking a step back from girls.

"What's going on?" Paul leaned forward, and took a sip of his coffee.

"Well..." Derek thought how to phrase things. "You may have noticed there's a new student around school."

"I did," Paul smiled. "She transferred from Saskatchewan."

"Yep," Derek nodded. "Do you remember where I told you that my first girlfriend moved away to?"

"Wait...Sara Wilcox is your Sara?" Paul looked flabbergasted. "Whoa. I thought that kind of thing only happened in movies..."

"Yeah," Derek shrugged. "So she's everything I remember and more, and she's amazing. She plays hockey, she likes to eat and she's cute and interesting and..."

"Hmm. Sounds to me like you might like this girl," Paul smirked. Derek looked down at his hands, fiddling with his wrist cuff.

"Maybe. I don't know," Derek admitted. "Can we just talk about the list right now? I don't really want to talk about the Sara situation."

"If that's what you want," Paul said. "But I'm here if you need an unbiased ear to figure things out."

"Thanks," Derek smiled a genuine smile. "So...the next girlfriend." He opened the paper that was just a formality at this point and cleared his throat. A giggle bubbled up in the back of his throat and he tried not to laugh.

"Ahh...Victoria Pollick," he couldn't hold it back anymore and started laughing. "Icky Vicki."

"No." Paul tried not to smile as well. "You mean...Cousin Vicki?"

"Cousin Vicki," Derek nodded. "Well Nora's sister Fiona was getting married. And even though Nora's sister is a total basket-case, Nora decided to do the nice thing and hold the wedding at her house..."

Then everything fell apart and Casey stepped in to help, to get everything organized. Back then, I remember that Casey was really uptight, moreso than she is now and had no clue what it meant to have fun or take a chill. She was even more stressed out because Cousin Vicki was going to be there.  
When Vicki got there, I didn't see it then, at least not until Edwin pointed it out. She was gorgeous, to me. She was hot, relaxed, fun...we made out after the wedding and then we dated for a couple weeks. But then Edwin pointed it out to me. I was dating Casey's clone. She looked -exactly- like Casey. I realized the reason I was dating her was because she was somehow this...alternate version of Casey.  
It was sort of horrifying. I guess maybe I _wanted _to be friends with Casey but she was way too uptight and not the kind of person I'd hang around. All into school and being a super keener and stuff like that...so I settled for the next best thing.  
And I won't say dating Vicki was awful. I mean, she was fun, spontaneous, a real bad-girl. Everything Casey wasn't. Even better, she was as casual about dating as I was. We dated for less than two weeks but it was the funnest two weeks of my life. I was finally with a girl who didn't care if I called and even went out with other guys and told me about it.  
But eventually I guess the combination of getting bored easily and ironically, having nothing real in common with her made me stray and she didn't seem to care too much so it just...ended.

Derek finished, sighing deeply. The Vicki story wore him out. He felt like he was tired of talking, that's all he felt like he did lately was talk about his feelings.

"So why did you put her on the list then?" Paul asked. He raised his eyebrows, waiting for Derek's answer.

"I don't know," Derek shrugged. "I guess...it was the first major thing I had after the wedding and it was with someone Casey was related to, maybe?"

"Hmm," Paul murmured, tapping his chin with his finger. "You mentioned having no feelings for Casey at that point in time, do you think you do now?"

"That's the thing," Derek said. "I don't know. That's why I've been having these weird dreams, that's why I'm avoiding dating anyone else, I don't know how I feel."

"At least you recognize that there may be something there," Paul said. "What are your dreams about?"

"Well, it's been the same the last couple of nights," Derek said. "I start off alone and then Sara appears, usually out of nowhere and then turns into Casey, who I almost kiss but then I wake up at the last minute." he shook his head. "I just don't know who I actually like, not for sure at least."

"You should explore your dreams. I believe dreams tell us important things about ourselves that our subconscious already knows," Paul said. "Think about it for the next week and let me know if you notice any patterns in your dreams, something will make it significant enough to tell you which girl it is that you prefer."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "I just wish I could figure it out and get some sleep!"

"And maybe still keep your ban on dating," Paul added.

"Yeah," Derek said. "Definitely no dating till my head gets itself cleared up."

"Good luck with that," Paul said. "Our time is up though, so remember to keep a dream diary and to report back what happens next time, let me know what you discover."

"Sure thing," Derek stood up. "Thanks Paul, see you later."

"See you later Derek," Paul said and Derek slipped out the door and headed to his class.

* * *

**A/N:** A little early but here it is! What a plot twist, Derek and Sara? Here on out, all the girlfriends will be familiar! You should recognize them all as actual characters on the show. As always, enjoy and let me know if you like it!


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